5 ways to deal with difficult people

Doing business in Hong Kong, you'll realise that we are all connected, somehow, with someone who tries us to the brink of our emotional sanity. Those who are lucky have had to deal with them on occasion, alright, but without chance of another or regular interaction.

However, luck doesn’t favour everyone. These people can be our bosses, colleagues, spouses, neighbours, friends or even friends-of-friends. They have the ability to push us into a ‘situational mental paralysis’ of sorts.

They seem to be running on an overdrive – of criticism, manipulation, flattery, ego, inflexibility, or even sheer hostility.

However, ignoring them, complaining or cribbing doesn’t offer a way out and certainly protect our interests. Just like any other challenge all you need is to be grounded, prepared and have a plan.

Be assertive: Perhaps the most over used advice to all people management problems, though not followed nearly as much.

Assertiveness is that fine line between being passive and aggressive, and very tough to walk. It needs commitment and practice.

Just remember, you don’t always have to explain the reason to say ‘No’. Especially to someone who is trying to exploit you. If a plain ‘No’ seems tough, support it with possible alternatives; but don’t look for justifications.

Works best with people who always take undue advantage of your accommodating nature and talent.

Maintain objectivity: Rather than bringing your soup of emotions to a boil, think ‘what’s practical’ and ‘what’s fair?’ Get clarity on individual roles and desired results. This breaks down the situation and redirects your emotions to a solution rather than the upsetting behaviour.

More importantly, remember to communicate calm objectivity through your body language. Don’t give the visual signal that says you are off balance.

Works best with people who manipulate situations to their benefit.

Negotiate: A powerful word to replace the word ‘compromise’, it suggests a win-win is possible, shifts your attitude and changes the perceptions other have of you. Negotiate your way to an agreeable course of action that achieves the goals.

Works best with people who make unreasonable demands on your time and resources.

Empathise and disarm: Despite good intentions at heart, people who are on an aggression overdrive feel that others do not understand their view or the complete gravity of the situation. Explore their point of view to see what they see as being at stake in this situation.

Acknowledge that and proceed to suggest fair and practical solutions to achieve common goals.

Works best with people who carry fears and baggage from elsewhere into the situation at hand without necessarily being aware.

Work the system: When everything else fails, fall back on what’s agreed, what are the accepted norms, set rules and what do you have in writing. Understand that systems are in place to protect you and are to be exercised in situations like these.

Works best with people who don’t respect your logic and have ulterior motives.